Down In the Dumps.

Not sure why, but I'm in a crappy mood today. It started last night. I started to feel kind of depressed. Just really down and out of sorts. Then I thought maybe it had been because I was sick all week. So today I go to work and my boss gives me a hard time about my attendance. Just what I want to hear when I've had the worst cold I've had in 6 years. I was feeling so down I didn't even argue about it. Just said okay and went on with my work. In this economy I'm so thankful to have a job, but I'm going to be honest, this job blows. The hospital I work at is a very good place to work at and they have great pay and benefits, but man, housekeeping is just terrible. I come home and feel like I can barely move cause my back hurts so much, I'm absolutely exhausted, and it's not like I'm getting any fulfillment out of this work. I just wish I had an actual career. I wish I could do something creative for a living. Problem is, I have no skills in those types of things. I would love to do some type of design or photography or even crafts. But those don't really pay the bills. I just feel like I'm meant to do more. Maybe it's just all in my head and all I'm qualified to do is clean toilets and hospital beds til I retire. Maybe this is my career. God, I hope not. I'm just sick of going from meaningless job to meaningless job, never having satisfaction in them, never making enough, and dreading getting up in the morning to go to them. I am allowed to start applying for other jobs in the hospital in August of next year, but what I'm I going to do? Work another data entry job? Sit behind a desk all day shuffling papers? I hate that. I wish I could just create the job I want. The problem is, I don't even know what exactly that is.

The only good thing out of this is, maybe, just maybe, my mood swings are because I'm pregnant. I'm holding on to that at least. I've had super sensitivity to smells for the past couple days and I've had some cramping. Today I noticed my boobs were kinda tender and I heard that's a sign too. So keeping my fingers crossed.

Mrs. C.

Cry Me a River.

So, out of nowhere, I started feeling like I was going to cry. Then the tears welled up and the waterworks came. Then I laughed hysterically about it. Either I'm PMSing, I'm pregnant, or I'm going completely bat shit crazy. I'm hoping it's not the latter.

I totally ripped apart our bedroom today trying to organize and clean...it's even more of a disaster than it was before hand. And I didn't do any of my school work or other housework that I was supposed to. Oy.

Mrs. C.